What is it exactly, that makes kids( teens in my case)Tune you totally out and not hear you at all when you ask them to not do something( fidgeting, drumming on walls, counters, body parts, etc..) or to do something( chores, or any other simple task that they are asked to do). I mean, i ask really nicely the first time, then, when i am ignored, ( which is usually the case). I ask again, hopping to be heard! them usually bye the 20,000Th time! ( OK, i lied,its not that much!) but, bye the 3 or forth time, I get tired of being IGNORED and get really irritated and lose it! OH then they hear me and look at me like i have Grown 2 heads and have lost my mind! WHAT THE HECK??? what is it in them that chronologically does not hear me??? I don't get it! i know each of them understands the frustration of not being listened to, and having your wishes totally disregarded!! I don't understand how its any different for me!!! I really don't think i ask TOO awful Much of them... I really don't! I expect them to Clean up after themselves and to take turns doing the dishes. There are kids is ALOT WORSE situations! So why the Hassle???My 14 yr old dsd had been getting up and taking initiative and doing them on her own without having to be asked and i LOVED that! We even rewarded her because we thought 1. it would motivate the other kids to action, and 2. we knew she was doing it for the right reason. she hasn't volunteered to do any chores lately, now i understand that being the only one doing it on their own all the time gets old , but totally stopping to do stuff doesn't help her either. The other kids... not so much...My 11 yr old Dss HAS done it once in a while on his own.. while My Biological offspring.. 13and 16 yr old it takes an act of congress to get them to do them, the 13 yr old will do it sometimes when asked, but she doesn't ever complete the task! My 16 yr old fights tooth and nail and drags it out into a BIG HUGE deal! I really do love ALL of these Kids, and i want us to have fun, but BOY OH BOY.. do they frustrate me!!!
1.I have asked them to check in the laundry room once a day for their clothes, yet they sit down there for days on end!!
2.I ask them if they are going to do their own laundry( which is something else i just realized they are EXPECTED to do.oops!) i ask that they don't just leave it in the washer and expect the magic laundry fairy
( me!) to come Finnish it for them!
3. I ask them to Please not sit in the living room and have a loud conversation while someone( usually me, they don't dare it with their dad!) is trying to watch a show!
The list goes on and on.. and right now i am REALLY FRUSTRATED with all of them.. because they arn't doing anything i have asked and asked them NOT to do.!Or the things i have asked them to do, i have to remind and remind. They just don't seem to understand that once i am frustrated because i haven't been listened to for all of these various reasons, .. frustration BUILDS! Anyone has their breaking point and I just cant understand why they cant see that its because they DON'T listen to me! and then i have to deal with the Various Attitude that they throw MY way because I get angry!Now, don't get me wrong, these kids are ALL GREAT KIDS! even my 11yr dss, that STILL has a Problem with me being in authority over him, and cant seem to follow even the SMALLEST direction, and has many times done what he has wanted to do anyway, regardless of what i( or anyone else) says( but there are other influences coming into play in this case also! ) . I just hope this is something that is just a phase, however, i even despair of that because, i had a really nice conversation with my DSD by text last week.. and it really seemed like we connected, and she understood me, and i really felt we got somewhere! But now i feel like either she didn't remember it, or we didn't connect on the level i thought we did because now shes acting like it never happened, and were back to square one.
* SIGH* Well, I guess this Just Comes with the territory, but, I wish i could get a little understanding from the other side.. These Kids are NOT small Children, and they SHOULD understand, but, like my hubby Frequently tells me, Maybe i am expecting them to Be little adults. Who knows..