Welcome to my Blog

This is My Blog. The Content Of this Blog Changes, and WILL Change. It is about Everything that is Important to me! So, I hope you enjoy this brief glimpse in to my Brain!

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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Denver Broncos Fire Mike Shannahan

I had wondered about this today while watching NFL Networks Coach firing watch.. it briefly crossed my mind... But never in my WILDEST DREAMS did i ever think bowlen would actually do it. I am COMPLETELY STUNNED! I don't know what to think ... My stomach is really Upset about this... This is a TOTAL END of an era.. Although, i know we needed a Change.. this really Saddens me! I Have been A Broncos fan all my Life,But, this is a Coach that Brought Honor to this Franchise! He came and Finnally The Broncos Won a Superbowl after Losing 4! When i first found out i was shocked and was thinking.. well, im not really all that suprized.. but, to be TOTALLY honest.. i Never in a million years thought it would actually happen but, the more it has sunk in the sadder it makes me WOW..Its like losing an extended family member you really admired..

Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas 2008

My family and our Christmas yesterday! Our Supercool, happy Christmas Celebration!!! YAY! These are the People that make my world Go round, other than Jesus that is!

The Shack

I have Just started Reading "The Shack". I love this Book already! I am just starting the Sixth chapter and i LOVE the way the Trinity is Portrayed. I feel Like i am in the Book and watching this all transpire! I have heard all of the negitive hype about this book and I cant even see why it bothers them. This Book is a work of fiction! I have heard it say that its not allegorical.. but i REALLY think it is.. and i think that if there is someone in your life that has been hurt by the church, or church members, this is a REALLY good book for them to see how God views us and his relationship with us. I cant wait to continue reading it!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008



I was just thinking.. I haven't blogged since sunday...

Man, its been a busy few days.... Or maybe i just haven't had anything that i wanted ruminate about. I am SO glad all of the busyness is over with, My son is Here! and Now i can relax!YAY! then after christmas, 2 days of work.. then i am off for a week! a Whole week for me to spend with my Son who BTW lives with his dad In harrisburg Pa. After this i wont see him until july, so i am going to get my matty fix to hold me over until july I am going to post some pictures of me him and my other kids...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

God is ALLWAYS THERE! He Never EVER LEAVES or Forsakes us!

I am having a REALLY ROUGH Morning this morning, and the First text message I recieve on my Phone is this:

Psalm 106:1-3 (English Standard Version)

1 Praise the LORD! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!

That is Definatly a "Daughter i have my hand on the Situation and have it under control" kinda message :)

God is GOOD!



Why Am i All ways Wrong? If i do things the way i think i should.. its wrong... if i Do what you ask.... I'm expected to read your mind and know what i am suppose to do, and then when i don't, because i Cant read your mind, I'm in the wrong.. When am i Ever In the right? Why Is it all ways because something I have done. I am Selfish, I am Inconsiderate. What about you? When are you responsible? Are you Ever responsible? or is it all ways me like it seems. No one is EVER wrong 100% of the time. But it sure feels like it. why cant you see that your Refusal to own your bad moods and your refusal to communicate your needs to me, instead of expecting me to read your mind, Hurts me and Hurts our relationship because I CANT read your Mind, and i never will be able to, and you are only reinforcing this feeling i have of all ways being wrong when you do this!!, I am Done and let it go like you asked, and now you are downstairs packing like you are Going to leave... Something you said you would never do.. yet.. here you are.. and i am not suppose to say anything! because that would be pushing you..but when i leave you alone, all you do is snarl... YET YOU would say that I DROVE you to this....NO ONE MAKES ANYONE DO ANYTHING!!! these are choices YOU are making. YOU. NOT ME making you make these choices. but....ITS all my fault. How do I ever Do the right thing by you if when i do what you ask its wrong? i cant even ask you a question without you snickering at me, like i am a fool for asking.. don't you see how this is Emotional Blackmail??? but, yet i am suppose to just let you have your way and pout and snarl, and expect everyone to walk on egg shells around you and when i point that out its ME picking a fight??? But, you Break my heart and tell me to leave and then say I have an emotional rollercoster!? then Expect to let you come back in, like nothing ever happened.. It NOT OK! When does the madness end... Don't i deserve better? Is this really what you want? Because it only looks to me right now, by your actions, like everything you have said all this time is only words...and that you were only looking for a time that it was convenient for you to be done, to leave, and when you were done you would walk away without a second glance. Damn the Consequences! But, yet I'm sure if you were asked.. you'd say... It was all me. I JUST DON'T GET IT! HOW am I the ONE WHO'S ALL TO BLAME! Don't you see that if you want someone to change you have to LOOK at YOURSELF and CHANGE yourself? YOU say that if only ID given YOU the CONSIDERATION YOU ASKED this wouldn't be an Issue. But, how is it ever ONE persons Fault? IT cant Possibly BE! don't you see that your refusal to Hear me only Pushes me away and makes this Necessary? Why cant you Put the mirror on yourself for once? It Always Takes 2 to make something... And if you cant talk about it .. then WHAT do you have? then you have sadness and loneliness and Destruction.. and Break down of relationship...and Broken hearts everywhere... Not just yours or mine... is that REALLY what you want? I know that you Probably don't want me Blogging about this.. but you Leave me no Choice! how Else am i Suppose to Process this? What Else Do you Expect me to do? if you don't want to hear me, and you DON'T want me to talk to someone else that you say hates you. You Don't want to talk about this, You don't want me to talk to anyone else about this, I cant JUST hold it INSIDE and let it SIMMER AND FESTER Then WHERE DO I GO?... if you wont hear me, and I cant talk to anyone else, Then Where do i GO? I guess i Just let you do what you think you need to. I guess i will do what I think i need to.. Because I cant let this go. This Entire Family Deserves Better than This! Much Better. I am sitting here With Actually Physical Chest pain because of all this... I don't know else to do other than to turn this over To God and to Seek Godly Counsel, Because i am at my very end. I don't know what else to do.. Because, from where i am Standing, it looks to me like The Enemy, and the forces( and People) that have tried to Destroy this Relationship from the Beginning, Have won! and that makes me SADDER than anything. They have won and YOU are either too Prideful to care... Or You just Plain don't care. If its your dislike about being wrong about anything then its your own foolish Pride that doesn't allow you to see the Hurt and damage its causing.
and that is Not something that is Ever going to change, and its going to be a mountain you will go around ALL your life.. take it from someone who's experienced it.
I really Don't care if you read this or not. This is something I have to do for me, since you cant ( or wont) seem to hear me. Father GOD i KNOW that YOU have PLANS for this FAMILY!!!and RIGHT NOW in Jesus NAME, I come AGAINST the forces of DARKNESS that Are TRYING TO DESTROY this family and this MARRIAGE AND I SAY TO LEAVE! YOU can NOT HAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP.. GODS WORD SAYS In ISAIAH 54: 17 NO WEAPON FORMED against ME SHALL PROSPER, and THOSE Who rise UP AGAINST ME in Judgment Shall BE Proved a Fraud! THIS IS MY SPIRITUAL Heritage FROM GOD as HIS Child! and His Word Will Not return VOID I HAVE to Hang on to that.. I MUST!

Friday, December 19, 2008


This is what i Did all day.......Stayed Home and In the house because of this.....

A wonderful ICE STORM! I had to to stay home with my kids.. But it gave me a 3 day weekend. So, I Cleaned in the Morning, and then surfed and played and watched movies all day. I am REALLY tired because of the fact i stayed up late Because The storm was suppose to get here alot earlier then it actually did... that is the main reason why i am not Making a Deep Blog post... Just sharing my day.....

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Why its Important to be Authentic!

During our Lunch time at work, I was doing my thing,when I called The next customer over and told them i was open and Available to help who ever was next. A lady came over and started to give me her order, when she said, " Didn't you used to live at Dupont Estates?" I was floored and Speechless for a couple seconds, when i replied" yes i did, but i lived there from 98-2000". She said " Yeah, i know, i used to be your neighbor I saw you with your girls all the time". WOW! Imagine that! Someone That Used to be my neighbor from a Place that i haven't live in 8YRS!! and the Girls she was referring to are featured above... they were just little when we lived there, and i was a Single Mom then. I was Astounded by the fact I must have made SOME sort of IMPACT on her for her to remember me after not seeing me for 8YEARS! WOW!! For me, it all goes back to the fact that, as Christians we need to be sure that our walk matches our talk.( and i didn't know ANYTHING about having a A walk with God then!) Because we never know who's watching us. But, today, when she said that, i just thanked God that i did something right away back then. In a time that was really rough for me, did something that made a Neighbor i had 8 yrs previously, remember me on a random visit to have Lunch at Chick-fil-a. So, be encouraged if you feel like you don't matter, or if you feel like the things you do don't really amount to much because they are just ordinary things. You never know when you are going to do something or be something to someone that you think is just ordinary, that will make them remember you after not seeing you for 8 yrs!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My Dream

This Has been Something that has been running threw my Mind a lot lately! I work outside the home and there have been things Going on at home that have really made Working the hours i want to work difficult. So, i have been thinking...What if i could get something going at home, (marketing, selling eBay etc..)that would supplement my contribution to our household finances, and Help my household in general.Then maybe someday hopefully i could do it most of the time. So, i could quit my day job and do something I really feel like is my Purpose in life . I really feel Called to Live a life of Service to others, Specifically, Women in need, Kids in need. My Church has a Ministry called Wings of Hope that attend my church, and its TRULY amazing. Wings of Hope is A Prison Ministry Dedicated to Helping women that have Been in trouble with the Law. They come from all different backgrounds and There is an amazing Woman Named Linda Kluczinske who is the founder of this Ministry. Wings of Hope is a residency ministry to women returning from jail or prison. Lives are changed..recidivism is less than 5%. Families are restored and the ladies become productive members of our community. So I guess that is it! My starting Place i suppose is with the help for Hurting Women Ministry that meets at my Church. I hope this is what i was suppose to Blog about. Either way, I'm glad i did because this is something i have been rolling around in my Brain for Quite sometime.

Monday, December 15, 2008

What a Day of Funk!

WOOHOO ... BOY Just when you have a Good day, and are actually getting somewhere Good that God wants you to Go, see things he's trying to get you to see. That Old enemy of your Soul, rears its ugly head and Tries to throw everything in its power to make sure that you Stay where you are.... and like some like me ... it works for a Little bit, ( ok, it worked for most of the day today) But i know that all that bluster is TEMPORARY!!! Because, The LORD's word says that he's a TOTAL DEfeated FOE!! Therefor! I know I dont have to stay where i am if I CHOOSE not to BELIEVE the LIE! God Loves me and there is NOTHING I can say or do that will change that fact! There is nothing i can do to make him love me anymore, and there is Nothing i can do to make him love me any less! I am choosing to Stand up and Brush myself off and Go Back after God even harder!



Sunday, December 14, 2008

This Song really sunk into my Spirit this Morning

OH wow!

This Song really Spoke to me today at My Church's Service. We have 2 services and Our choir( that i am a part of) Sings on Special occasions, which Christmas is one of the Most special occasions! This is The Cry of my Heart( well, one of them, anyway!) Here are the Lyrics. I had lyrics to go with the Widget, but they were Incomplete! and you gotta see the lyrics with the song! any way here goes!

What else can i do- Steve Fee:

Your love for me is a healing comfort for me
Your grace to me is a matchless gift to me
Your power in me is a mighty river in me
Pre Chorus:
At the end of the day with the setting of the sun
after all is said and done
What else can i do but worship? What else can i do but bow?
'cause all i really long for is you all i really yearn for us you
Verse 2
Your Sovereignty is a sure foundation for me
your care for me is enduring peace in me

Repeat pre chorus x1
Repeat Chorus x1

What else can i do but praise you
Joining in the sound of heaven's song
cause i really long for is you and all i really yearn for is you
and all i really need lord, is you.

Enjoy!--->look at the widget next to this post

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Learning who i am

I had a Very cool insight on myself today at work today. Before i was treating my Add. I could NEVER explain who i am, my Strengths, or weaknesses, or anything. If anyone asked me to describe myself, job interviews, performance reviews at work, It was a hugely frustrating, and self defeating thing because it just wasn't there. Since I have been on my Adderall My thinking has been SO much clearer! I am able to see things in a whole new way that i haven't ever been able to see before. I have Begun to learn(see) who i am, What my strengths really are, and what my weaknesses( really) are. Not just seeing things thru a Filter of Low Self Image. I am a Very Black and White Person( like most people with ADD) and for me to understand something I need it to be very Specific in order to understand it. Not with everything, just most things. One of my Husbands nicknames for me is " miss Literall". I realized today that i REALLY struggle with Knowing what i should do in Specific situations where there is a " gray area", or a time at work that involves a judgement call. I work In a Restrant. Its a Fast Food place, But, MUCH different than other Fast Food places. I know that ALLWAYS if there is customer at the counter, and i am the first, or only one available, i Allways stop what i am doing and take care of their needs whatever it is first. But when it comes to an area that is just something that is an IMPLIED thing, not all ways somethat is done, I really struggle with knowing what decision i should make, partly i think, due to the fact that times i have steped out and just gone with my gut, only to find out that was the wrong decision to make. Which only further reinforces my Distrust of my decision making, and adds to my low self image, and feeling of incompetence. Before i allways thought it was just something that was wrong with ME and my ability to get the job done. But, this is Such a HUGE thing for me Because now i realize that I struggle with seeing how i should act in gray areas, and have Begun to Understand WHO i am and what my strengths and weakness are. This lets me realize that this isnt something i am not getting because of lack of intelligence( which is what my Low self image says) It's because of the WAY my brain works, and now that its something i have identified, I can change it and learn to Function around it, and not only that, i can Explain that to others( People who dont have add) at work and others, that so they understand why i do what i do. So, this Self discovery, Spritual Growth adventure i am on is one AMAZING Ride!

My Personality Type

Just for fun i took a personality type test! Here's my results From the Keirsey.com website:


You are:
  • moderately expressed extravert
  • distinctively expressed sensing personality
  • moderately expressed feeling personality
  • slightly expressed judging personality

Guardian™ Portrait of the Provider (ESFJ)

Providers take it upon themselves to insure the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of social institutions such as schools, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Wherever they go, Providers happily give their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, and that social functions are a success.

Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of dances, banquets, class reunions, charity fund-raisers, and the like. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to speak publicly with ease and confidence. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, knowing everyone by name, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. Providers love to entertain, and are always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to make sure that all are involved and provided for.

Friendly, outgoing, neighborly - in a word, Providers are gregarious, so much so that they can become restless when isolated from people. They love to talk with others, and will often strike up a conversation with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic that comes to mind. Friendships matter a great deal to Providers, and their conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past. Family traditions are also sacred to them, and they carefully observe birthdays and anniversaries. In addition, Providers show a delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors. If we wish to know what's been going on in the local community, school, or church, they're happy to fill us in on all the details.

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others.

William Howard Taft, Barbara Walters, J C Penney, Ray Kroc, Louis B. Mayer, Sam Walton, Dolley Madison, and Dave Thomas are examples of Provider Guardians.

A full description of the Provider and the Guardian is in People Patterns or Please Understand Me II

More About Your Guardian Provider Personality:

Careers: Best Job Fit for Guardians

Relationships: Women and Romance - Guardian Women
Men and Romance - The Guardian Lover

School: Maximizing Your Study Environment for Guardian Students

Friday, December 12, 2008

Personal Growth

I have really had ALOT of personal growth in the last few months, and its been very Encouraging to me to see areas in my life open up, and for me to see Things in a totally different way then i ever have before. What is it then, about certain situations that come about that " feel" like they are threatening to topple everything that you have worked so hard to learn? I say " feel" Because I think this is a Test for me. I think that its one of those Rubber Hits the ROAD kinda things that let you know if you have made any REAL progress in your growth or if its just lip service. I think that its in these times that you decide if you are going to live by how things "FEEL" , and therefore, remain in the mess you have always been, in or if you are going to choose to live in this new thing you have learned, and, Be confident in who you know you are becoming and choose to NOT let it bother you. I "CHOOSE" to live in this New thing i have learned and NOT let MY emotions rule me! I have spent WAY too many years living By my emotions and being in a Constant state of Emotional Turmoil! I know Who God says I am, and I will NOT allow these Situations to MOVE me!That is what it really is all about! CHOICE! Nuff said!

My kids

Anyone else have trouble getting their kids to Follow Directions, or Guidelines, and/ or House rules?

My Kids( all but one) Don't seem to have any regard for any thing my Husband and i say! I don't know what to do about this?? It drives me INSANE! Punishing them doesn't seem to help, taking stuff away doesn't seem to help, rewarding them when i catch them doing stuff right doesn't seem to help. I have gotten to the Point when i just reward the ONE child that seems to have a clue. The others Just don't seem to care.

The three that don't do what they are told, lets call them the MEME's just seem to sit around when they are not at school, On their big fat sense of Entitlement. The one that DOES take the intuitive and do what needs to be done, i will call the NOTME. NOTME does things because they need to be done, NOTME doesn't expect to be rewarded, although we DO reward notme, because, in life outside of living with mom and dad, when you work hard, you usually DO get rewarded for HARD WORK. Anyway, the MEME's just cant understand why Mom and Dad are always getting frustrated with them, despite the fact that they have a VERY good example in NOTME. SO, We have decided to REWARD Notme frequently, hoping that MEME will see this and wonder why notme gets things they don't. Hopefully this works! I am at my wits end with them!

Thursday, December 11, 2008


OK this is my New SITE! I LOVED it .. after a week of Frustration with wordpress i am SO happy to be here! ... More coming SOON!