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This is My Blog. The Content Of this Blog Changes, and WILL Change. It is about Everything that is Important to me! So, I hope you enjoy this brief glimpse in to my Brain!

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Sunday, December 21, 2008



Why Am i All ways Wrong? If i do things the way i think i should.. its wrong... if i Do what you ask.... I'm expected to read your mind and know what i am suppose to do, and then when i don't, because i Cant read your mind, I'm in the wrong.. When am i Ever In the right? Why Is it all ways because something I have done. I am Selfish, I am Inconsiderate. What about you? When are you responsible? Are you Ever responsible? or is it all ways me like it seems. No one is EVER wrong 100% of the time. But it sure feels like it. why cant you see that your Refusal to own your bad moods and your refusal to communicate your needs to me, instead of expecting me to read your mind, Hurts me and Hurts our relationship because I CANT read your Mind, and i never will be able to, and you are only reinforcing this feeling i have of all ways being wrong when you do this!!, I am Done and let it go like you asked, and now you are downstairs packing like you are Going to leave... Something you said you would never do.. yet.. here you are.. and i am not suppose to say anything! because that would be pushing you..but when i leave you alone, all you do is snarl... YET YOU would say that I DROVE you to this....NO ONE MAKES ANYONE DO ANYTHING!!! these are choices YOU are making. YOU. NOT ME making you make these choices. but....ITS all my fault. How do I ever Do the right thing by you if when i do what you ask its wrong? i cant even ask you a question without you snickering at me, like i am a fool for asking.. don't you see how this is Emotional Blackmail??? but, yet i am suppose to just let you have your way and pout and snarl, and expect everyone to walk on egg shells around you and when i point that out its ME picking a fight??? But, you Break my heart and tell me to leave and then say I have an emotional rollercoster!? then Expect to let you come back in, like nothing ever happened.. It NOT OK! When does the madness end... Don't i deserve better? Is this really what you want? Because it only looks to me right now, by your actions, like everything you have said all this time is only words...and that you were only looking for a time that it was convenient for you to be done, to leave, and when you were done you would walk away without a second glance. Damn the Consequences! But, yet I'm sure if you were asked.. you'd say... It was all me. I JUST DON'T GET IT! HOW am I the ONE WHO'S ALL TO BLAME! Don't you see that if you want someone to change you have to LOOK at YOURSELF and CHANGE yourself? YOU say that if only ID given YOU the CONSIDERATION YOU ASKED this wouldn't be an Issue. But, how is it ever ONE persons Fault? IT cant Possibly BE! don't you see that your refusal to Hear me only Pushes me away and makes this Necessary? Why cant you Put the mirror on yourself for once? It Always Takes 2 to make something... And if you cant talk about it .. then WHAT do you have? then you have sadness and loneliness and Destruction.. and Break down of relationship...and Broken hearts everywhere... Not just yours or mine... is that REALLY what you want? I know that you Probably don't want me Blogging about this.. but you Leave me no Choice! how Else am i Suppose to Process this? What Else Do you Expect me to do? if you don't want to hear me, and you DON'T want me to talk to someone else that you say hates you. You Don't want to talk about this, You don't want me to talk to anyone else about this, I cant JUST hold it INSIDE and let it SIMMER AND FESTER Then WHERE DO I GO?... if you wont hear me, and I cant talk to anyone else, Then Where do i GO? I guess i Just let you do what you think you need to. I guess i will do what I think i need to.. Because I cant let this go. This Entire Family Deserves Better than This! Much Better. I am sitting here With Actually Physical Chest pain because of all this... I don't know else to do other than to turn this over To God and to Seek Godly Counsel, Because i am at my very end. I don't know what else to do.. Because, from where i am Standing, it looks to me like The Enemy, and the forces( and People) that have tried to Destroy this Relationship from the Beginning, Have won! and that makes me SADDER than anything. They have won and YOU are either too Prideful to care... Or You just Plain don't care. If its your dislike about being wrong about anything then its your own foolish Pride that doesn't allow you to see the Hurt and damage its causing.
and that is Not something that is Ever going to change, and its going to be a mountain you will go around ALL your life.. take it from someone who's experienced it.
I really Don't care if you read this or not. This is something I have to do for me, since you cant ( or wont) seem to hear me. Father GOD i KNOW that YOU have PLANS for this FAMILY!!!and RIGHT NOW in Jesus NAME, I come AGAINST the forces of DARKNESS that Are TRYING TO DESTROY this family and this MARRIAGE AND I SAY TO LEAVE! YOU can NOT HAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP.. GODS WORD SAYS In ISAIAH 54: 17 NO WEAPON FORMED against ME SHALL PROSPER, and THOSE Who rise UP AGAINST ME in Judgment Shall BE Proved a Fraud! THIS IS MY SPIRITUAL Heritage FROM GOD as HIS Child! and His Word Will Not return VOID I HAVE to Hang on to that.. I MUST!

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