Saturday, December 13, 2008
Learning who i am
I had a Very cool insight on myself today at work today. Before i was treating my Add. I could NEVER explain who i am, my Strengths, or weaknesses, or anything. If anyone asked me to describe myself, job interviews, performance reviews at work, It was a hugely frustrating, and self defeating thing because it just wasn't there. Since I have been on my Adderall My thinking has been SO much clearer! I am able to see things in a whole new way that i haven't ever been able to see before. I have Begun to learn(see) who i am, What my strengths really are, and what my weaknesses( really) are. Not just seeing things thru a Filter of Low Self Image. I am a Very Black and White Person( like most people with ADD) and for me to understand something I need it to be very Specific in order to understand it. Not with everything, just most things. One of my Husbands nicknames for me is " miss Literall". I realized today that i REALLY struggle with Knowing what i should do in Specific situations where there is a " gray area", or a time at work that involves a judgement call. I work In a Restrant. Its a Fast Food place, But, MUCH different than other Fast Food places. I know that ALLWAYS if there is customer at the counter, and i am the first, or only one available, i Allways stop what i am doing and take care of their needs whatever it is first. But when it comes to an area that is just something that is an IMPLIED thing, not all ways somethat is done, I really struggle with knowing what decision i should make, partly i think, due to the fact that times i have steped out and just gone with my gut, only to find out that was the wrong decision to make. Which only further reinforces my Distrust of my decision making, and adds to my low self image, and feeling of incompetence. Before i allways thought it was just something that was wrong with ME and my ability to get the job done. But, this is Such a HUGE thing for me Because now i realize that I struggle with seeing how i should act in gray areas, and have Begun to Understand WHO i am and what my strengths and weakness are. This lets me realize that this isnt something i am not getting because of lack of intelligence( which is what my Low self image says) It's because of the WAY my brain works, and now that its something i have identified, I can change it and learn to Function around it, and not only that, i can Explain that to others( People who dont have add) at work and others, that so they understand why i do what i do. So, this Self discovery, Spritual Growth adventure i am on is one AMAZING Ride!